i'm just processing


i've spent the past few days painting in my new house that has no wifi yet. i've spent the past few days with my mind. here's what i learned: i don't have anxiety. not as in "wahoo, i'm cured!" but as in.. what i thought was "anxiety," isn't. i have a lot of mental & emotional energy, some of which is mine, most of it is others'. there are also chaotic & confusing events that have been taking place in my physical & energetic world. since i realized i had "anxiety" i've always tried to quiet my mind. i've always been told that my racing mind is not normal. quieting my mind (ie. shutting thoughts & emotions out) backfires. what i'm "quieting" comes back, now screaming for my attention. the past few days i've allowed my mind to wander where ever it wanted. sure, i'm having serious monkey brain. sure, i thought about the same thing for two hours. sure, i had some "irrational" fears pop up. but this is my mind processing everything that's been going on. i take notice if i'm feeling sad or mad or scared towards a thought, and i dig deeper. i'm learning that this "anxiety" is here for a reason. this "anxiety" always emerges when i'm not listening to my intuition, when i'm not taking care of myself, or when i need to process what's happening.