Self-Imposed Limitations


*I talk about my experiences through the lens of astrology because that’s how I understand the energy. You do not need to know anything about astrology to read or benefit from this post.

How many months of Saturn have I been dealing with now? Lol. Jesus, it feels like an eternity. Oh, and it’s not going to let up for quite a while longer. My Saturn Return feels special. I get a chance to have it three times. I don’t know what the next two will deal with but pass number one is about where my limits are. Do I have limits?

This first Saturn pass has back-to-back conjoined my natal Saturn, opposed my Midheaven, and now it trines my natal Venus. Over the past month and a half, there’s also been Mercury in Pisces (retrograde, too), Venus in Pisces, and both of those planets have had a little rendezvous with Neptune. Now, I don’t especially pay attention to the transits right now. I’m more focused on what transits affect my chart. I will say this: Current transits are like the weather. Personal transits are like your task for the day/week/month. Sometimes skies are clear and the temperature is just right. Your plate is full but you can focus. Other times, there’s a freaking hurricane for a month and you STILL have loads to do. Get what I mean? Bet you can guess which example I’ve been in.

Jupiter also plays a role here. Both Jupiter and Saturn are in dignity (in signs they really really like) so they’re stronger. Again, Jupiter isn’t technically affecting my chart but JUPITER IS SO BIG!! Jupiter is palpable to everyone. I also personally asked Jupiter to work me in November when it moved in Sagittarius. Jupiter is the guy you want on your side.

So here’s the vibe of what’s been going on (for me):

  • EXPAND RAPIDLY NOW EVERYWHERE (Jupiter in Sagittarius)

  • STRUCTURE EVERYWHERE (all of the Saturn)

  • WHAT’S EVEN REAL??? (all of the Pisces)

The three energies are coming together as “I am at my limits,” “I can’t carry anymore.”

These are false self-imposed boundaries.

How do I know that? Just a few weeks ago I was doing the same things with ease. All that has changed is my mindset.

Having a trauma history means my mind and body are scared of everything. Any kind of change is scary. Even good. Especially good. So I’m over here expanding left and right with Saturn helping me restructure. My mind gets a little more uneasy each step. Well, all that Pisces threw it off the deep end.

Right at my exact Saturn return, I moved. The biggest, most necessary step in my expansion. It opened the most glorious can of worms but my mind freaked out. It said, “Woah! Too much new! Constrict! Scale back! Isolate!” So I’ve been alone, adjusting. Sneaky-ass Pisces whispers little lies to me during this “adjustment.” The more I adjust, the more into the web of lies I go. I might as well be the fly caught in the web at this point. The spider is encasing me.

Here’s the thing. This is all an illusion. I am not at my limits. I am addicted to stress, and a month and a half ago I removed myself from a 12-year streak of stress. I am going through withdrawal. My mind, my body will take whatever crumb it can get. Including creating bizarre fake issues that I obsessively think about and cry over. Including making my pets go bananas. Including creating new symptoms, flaring old ones. Including making time seem against me. Do you see the cycle created? I become “at my limits” because all of my energy goes to these self-manifested scenarios. I have no energy to take care of myself. I have no energy to expand.

I am not at my limits, it just feels like it. It’s a false scenario created by false beliefs. Saturn wants me to be my own authority. Saturn wants me to break this.

I have no answer other than the planets will shift. The first step to anything is acknowledgment and putting a name to it. Pull the energy into reality.